Freedom!

OK, so, it's been a while. How are you all?

Me? Well, let's see. Since we last spoke, I've quit my job and just finished moving house - I'm now down south full-time again! Hooray!

All I now need is for summer to actually start... Today's not looking likely, but maybe tomorrow. It's June - is a little sunshine on the Mediterranean coast really too much to ask?

My major tasks over the next week or so are:

• Unpack
• Clean
• Work out how the French unemployment system works
• Launch the web design business I've got floating around my head
• Make lots of shiny things!

These will all, admittedly, be easier to focus on if the weather's not so awesome. But I'd still quite like some sunshine, please...

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Menton lemon festival - fête du citron 2013

EDIT: I accidentally deleted this post, but have managed to recover it. More or less. So, if you think you've seen this before, you have...

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I wrote this post on Sunday last week. Technical difficulties have meant I can't post it til now. I see no reason to let that stop me actually using it now, so here you go... 

  So. The sun didn't last after all. Your intrepid author didn't let that stop her, though, because today, my friends, is lemon day.

Each year, Menton hosts a festival of lemons and oranges.

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This year is the 80th anniversary of the festival, and it's as brilliant as I remembered. Sadly, I forgot my camera in Paris, so you'll have to make do with phone-photos. Note the grey sky- the thunder started just as we got on the train to Nice, and by the time we got off, the rain was torrential!

Birthday cake!

As this is the 80th anniversary, the theme of this year's festival is Around the World in 80 Days. Places around the world, and methods of transport feature heavily.

House of cards:

Big Ben:

Trains:

Hot air balloon:

A wolf in the frozen snow. (No, I don't remember that bit in the story either...)

The Statue of Liberty. (Her torch lit up when the clouds got heavier. Light sensitive citrus fruit statues. Awesome.)

I think we then moved on to China:

And then to India:

Then, we travel by boat:

And, lastly, we move into the Middle East:

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Going through security at the airport

This seems to be a source of some confusion for some people, but luckily I am here to clear it all up, based on my extensive experience with going through idiot security procedures. Please follow the below instructions, so that you don't hold up the rest of us who have looked this stuff up before we get to the security scanner.

1. Don't leave a bottle of water in your bag. Don't, if you have done so, try to argue that you should be allowed to take it through, even if it's sealed. I know it's a stupid rule, but it's a very clear one, and you won't win. You're just slowing down the process and pissing everyone off.

2. Put your make-up (all of it, especially liquid foundation) into a small, clear plastic bag. Make sure it all fits into the small bag and that you can close the small bag around the make-up. If it doesn't, take less. How much make-up do people need? Similarly with hand cream, face cream, whatever the hell that all is...

3. Don't wear high-heels. Not only are they dangerous if you need to get out of the airplane if something goes wrong (and I will consider killing you myself if your heels break the inflatable life raft thingy, should we crash into the sea) but you need to take them off and have them x-rayed. This is also true of boots in general, even flat boots (but with less emergency escape danger) - trainers are good. Try trainers.

4. Don't wear a belt. This may mean wearing different trousers, but you'll have to take your belt off anyway and have it x-rayed, and it'll be quicker to just wear other trousers. If you do wear a belt, please don't wait until you're about to go through the scanner before you think about sloooooowly taking it off and carefully coiling it in the little plastic tray. Especially if you also have to then take off your heels and carefully put on the plastic bag shoe replacement things.

5. Take your coat, scarf, gloves, etc off before you get to the xray machine. Empty your pockets while you're waiting, not after the scanner beeps at you. Yes, it will notice your keys and coins. Really.

6. In general, don't argue with the security people. They have clearly got strict instructions and not a lot of scope for initiative. They presumably know the rules are idiotic, but they still have to enforce them anyway. These are not the people to complain to - try the companies running the airport or, better yet, the Ministry of the Interior or your local equivalent. I also recommend starting a blog to bitch about the trauma of the whole thing. It's remarkably cathartic. (cf 80% of my recent posts...)

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Breakfast at Nicole's...

Breakfast today is smoked salmon and scrambled egg, with coffee.

Perfect, especially with the sunshine we had earlier. It's clouding over now, sadly, but you can imagine it's a view a bit like this. (It's not, but that photo wasn't taken far away from here, and I like it, so there you go...)

I love living here...

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Telemarketing - mobile phones

Dear mobile phone company,

Yes, I have indeed been a loyal customer of yours for several years now. Do you know why? Let me tell you.

It's not because I don't know about other mobile companies, or because I think your offer is amazing. It's not because your advertising sways me.

It's largely, in fact, because your offer is good enough*, and you haven't pissed me off enough to make me want to move.

So what on earth made you think that getting telemarketers to call me, in a foreign language, at dinner time was a good idea? What made you think that trying to sell me products I neither want nor need, over the phone, when I can barely hear your telemarketer in his call centre anyway, was going to work?

If I want any other products from you, I have the internet: I can find them and purchase them, all by myself. (I have, in fact, just done this, if you'd check your records.)

Calling me just annoys me. I don't like phone calls, particularly not from strangers, particularly not when I've switched off from work and stopped thinking in French.

More calls like this will not make me expand my use of your products, it will make me change my service provider. I cannot be the only one - in fact, I can't imagine why telesales generates enough income to offset the previously-neutral-now-actively-pissed-off customers who will suddenly be inspired to start looking at alternatives.

Good job, guys.


* Read: no worse than anyone else's - all French mobile phone tariffs are crap.

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Test post from my new toy

Do ignore this post - it's largely for me to see how typing on my new and shiny Nexus 7 works, and what the blogger app is like...

In case you're interested, the app seems to be fine (except that it doesn't let me add pictures from drop box like it says it will) but if I'm going to be doing anything more than very, very short posts, I have got to get me a wireless keyboard. The onscreen keyboard is accurate enough, but I haven't been a hunt and peck typist in 20 years; this is driving me mad!

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Brunch in Nice

Hello!

So, January was a bit of a black hole of work and more work. But hopefully things will be better now...

I'm back down south, it's sunny, it's Sunday. My plane back to Paris is at an awkward time, making lunch near-impossible.

The only solution is brunch.

The internet suggests a couple of places that do brunch in Nice. We shall pick somewhere and I'll try to remember to let you know about it afterwards!

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I can walk!

Well, so, I'm not rendered unable to walk. This is a good thing, after all of yesterday's walking.

And I managed to wake up in time to pack and get to the airport in plenty of time.

And I got through security with only mild hassle - the key seems to be wear flat shoes and a sweater not a coat. You'll still get groped, but it will be much less hassle for you then taking off your shoes and  a coat and a scarf and all that, and still ending up setting off their alarm for a "random check".

And now I have coffee and a pain au chocolat, and the bakery woman amuses me greatly - she's going on holiday later today and is very clearly looking forward to it. Her colleagues, not so much.

I hate going back to Paris, though, and every time it seems to get worse. However, since miracles and lottery wins are equally unlikely to happen, I'm going to have to find a way to get used to it. Any suggestions?

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Today, I walked.

When we woke up, we decided to go for a walk this morning. From Monaco to Villefranche. For lunch. Google tells me this is 16ish kilometres, which is enough to make my legs a little bit sore now, and I may well be unable to move tomorrow.

But the sun was shining, the views are beautiful and once you're actually up at the Moyenne Corniche, the road is mostly flat. (Except the detours to avoid the motorway tunnel just before Eze. That introduces some startling steep hills.)

I'm glad I did it - it's not necessarily a walk I'd do in the middle of summer, but today was just lovely! (Photos might follow, if any of them have turned out well - you get a great view of Eze as you're walking up to it, with all its terraces splaying out down the mountain, but my camera was being a bit weird, so I'm not sure if it came out properly.)

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New Year's Eve - Monaco

OK, so, a belated post. But it's ok, because there's probably no one actually reading this. (If you are, do say hi in the comments - I might try to make my posts make more sense!)

But New Year's Eve was gorgeous - hot sunshine, people were swimming; even I paddled in the sea. Some photos for your viewing pleasure. (Note: Not of me paddling. I'm not that cruel.)

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